I recall on one morning I waited on the door step of a customer and as the female manager raised the shutters, from the inside she glared at me as she saw me standing there.  My response was to say “I know, I should be dressed as a leper and carry a bell!”  She started to laugh and asked if that happened alot - I assured her that it did happen quite often.

I have evolved as a person on so many different levels and continue to do so.  I never gained a ‘thick skin’ but I found it encouraged me to see other people’s point of view and to seek to understand rather than take it personally.  We all have to sell some of the time, whether it is a product or an idea that we want our boss to use, we all need to use these skills at times.

Selling is not a bad word but like all skills it needs to be practised and refined to work effectively.

This sort of pre-planning can be used in other situations too.  With patients I would discuss the concept of what they wanted from any specialist services they were offered.  What outcome would you like?  How will you be able to support that?  What difference will it make?  It’s about empowerment and that is so important for all of us.

So what could this mean for you?  In any situation where you have to negotiate or discuss an idea - think about what you want to get out of that interaction?  By being clear about what you want to achieve then you are more likely to get what you want.  Have an idea of the absolute minimum but be prepared to take it a stage further, if it is appropriate.  If you have a complaint about a service - before you blow your top - think about the outcome you want.  If you go in to ‘let off steam’ then that is indeed what will happen.  If you go in to ’secure a voucher for the next week’ then you will probably accomplish both - how much better would that be?

If you have ever come out of a meeting and not secured what you wanted then - maybe you didn’t really want it or maybe you weren’t clear about what you wanted……..

Could this help you in over-coming some of your challenges?

We all see different things based on our own perspective and sometimes we agree with others and at other times we don’t.  The notion of a glass being half-empty or half-full is one that many people will be familiar with - it depends on your perspective - your perception.

The crabbed old woman is a poem directed at nurses about an elderly lady, asking them to see her and not ‘the crabbed old woman’.  It is about looking beyond what we can see on the surface and behind the obvious.  In our busy lives we tend to do so much in a rush, what we believe we see or know - it can be limited or incomplete. 

More than one perception can be invaluable.

The more people I speak to the more I realise that feedback seems to be viewed in a negative way.  All too often it is linked to “constructive feedback”, as a form of criticism.

How often do we forget to say “well done”, “that was excellent”?  It’s important that feedback is meant, not paid lip service to but a recognition of the contribution that team or individual has made.  Giving specific examples allows the reflection on what was good and why it was good.  Can this then be replicated and used further, in a different situation?

When did you last give feedback to someone?  Was it negative?  Are there opportunities to give positive feedback, not necessarily in a formalised way at appraisal?  Have you had positive feedback?  How did that feel?  Where do you think you could use this?

This suggestion was first brought to my attention about 8 years ago.  The speaker gave out cards with 2 readings on them - about how we can make our own choices:

“Attitudes are contagious - is yours worth catching?”

“Attitudes are contagious - yours is worth catching.”

We have the opportunity to lead with our attitude - at such difficult times it’s harder to make it a positive one but is your attitude worth catching or do you need to catch someone else’s?

You may like me have been brought up with the expression “Do unto others as you would be done unto”  in essence “Treat other people as you would like to be treated”

What about considering “Treat other people as THEY would like to be treated”

If you were upset, would being hugged by someone you hardly knew be a positive or negative thing?  Some people would genuinely appreciate such a gesture and others would find it intrusive.

Next time you interact with a customer/client or colleague that you find quite difficult to connect with - think about how they greet you and how you greet them.  Make an effort to observe what the interaction is and remember to “Treat them as THEY would like to be treated”

best wishes, Helena

Dear folks,

I know that I am lucky to have had an overseas holiday recently, in America.

I was reminded of the idea that the rainbow of colours that makes as all up seem to be differently represented in other cultures.  It was facinating to observe the interactions between Americans and ourselves.  More people seem to strike up conversations with you, whilst in a queue or even sat in a restaurant!  For my colour preferences it was up-lifting and inspiring but for others of different preference it may well be over-powering.  Perhaps when you have visited another country or even county, you experienced a different culture?

It’s a celebration of our human diversity!!

Helena